Dear Diary (SnK)
by divaaaofcourage
Summary: Summary inside.


**Title:** Dear Diary (SnK)

**Character(s):** Mikasa Ackerman / Jean Kirschtein / mentions of Levi

**Pairing:** Jean Kirschtein x Mikasa Ackerman

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters; just the story.

**Summary:** Mikasa Ackerman knew her fellow squad mate, Jean Kirschtein, had feelings for her but she chose to ignore them because her main goal in joining the military was to stand by her brother's side at all times. After a battle with the titans in Trost, not only had Jean lost a best friend, Marco Bodt, he lost his own life after trying to protect Mikasa when she had taken the wrong step during the battle by mistake. It was only then Mikasa realized Jean meant more to her than she thought. In her diary, she wrote a letter for Jean although she knew he was never going to read it. Story written based on Mikasa's POV.

**Author's note:** Now, I have written a similar one-shot with the same title for Digimon (Adventure) a long time ago but I figured that maybe I should write a "Dear Diary" one-shot per fandom... If I feel like it. As usual, a dramatic story!

* * *

_I let you get away._

_I let you watch from above as the walls I built around me crumble._

_I let you hear me cry out loud for you._

_I let you get away._

_I ignored you when I shouldn't have._

_I could've saved you but I froze, instead._

_No. I could've saved us both. After all, I am ranked the top in the class for a reason._

_How could I be this ignorant?_

* * *

A tear rolled down my face as I reminisced the day you brought a bouquet of mixed flowers and presented them to me at my doorstep like a gentleman. The other girls were cheering for me but I stayed there and stared at you, blankly.

_I ignored you when I shouldn't have._

At the time, I knew how dearly I meant to you but Eren was my priority, and you weren't. So the feelings weren't mutual.

I rejected you in front of the other girls and slammed the door in your face.

I didn't feel anything at all towards you besides you being the annoying idiot that you are and how you're always on my tail. It frustrated me to a point where I was more than glad when I rejected you.

But now then I realized, the rejection you felt was unbearable.

I remembered the day you and I had to team up to face a ten-metre class abnormal titan. I had to admit, I wasn't at all fond with you and I as partners but a war is a war. You and I were handling the titan so well - though I was a hundred percent sure I could handle this titan alone - when the titan grabbed my left leg while I was up in the air, slamming me against the concrete of the ground. You came to my aid and saved me by slicing the nape of its neck, then you came to my side to ask if I was okay. I was okay; thanks to you.

But in a split second, you were killed. How? I didn't know. I didn't get a chance to recall back.

_I could've saved you but I froze, instead._

I stood by you at your funeral and held your hand. I broke down and everyone witnessed one-half of Humanity's Strongest Soldiers during her weakest moments.

You saved me that day, but I couldn't save you. I didn't have the chance to return the favour.

Jean Kirschtein, you were the only one who listened to me when Eren didn't.

Lance Corporal Levi knew it wasn't a great idea to bring me along for our next expedition after you, Marco and many others left us all but Commander Erwin Smith went against that idea. So, Lance Corporal Levi and I obeyed the Commander, giving in.

You have been trapped in my heart ever since.

You are all I can think about since your tragic death.

_How could I be this ignorant?_

I make daily visits to your grave and everyone else noticed the change in me.

Hey Jean? Maybe I should tell you this, too.

Since your death, not only did I train hard every single day under Lance Corporal Levi, I was also promoted to be his right hand woman. Isn't that great? I mean, for the first time in months, it felt really great to finally be able to smile!

I was telling Eren, "If Jean was still here, I'd be able to share this joy with him."

I know you're not surprised. Although he felt bad for not being able to help you and I out, he still didn't like you but don't fret, Jean, Eren is never great at lying to me. Eren treasures you as a friend one way or another. He just doesn't show it.

Also, since your death, Lance Corporal Levi and I slowly grew closer; not only as acquaintances but also as friends. He's actually a lot friendlier than you think.

He buys me my meals often because he didn't like the idea of me paying for either myself or the both of us. We talk about our personal lives and go as deep as talking about our past. Lance Corporal Levi is more than he appears to be. He is more than the leader he is.

Even though it's against the rules and regulations, he'd invite me over to his room because he and I both know that we needed each other almost all of the time. I must tell you this; Eren's getting really jealous of my relationship with Lance Corporal Levi because well, Eren wanted to be his left hand man too but all he ever is to Lance Corporal Levi is a mess. The kind of mess Lance Corporal Levi can't stand seeing (in a funny way, though). Plus, Eren is always complaining and getting angry but the two of them do get along eventually.

Damn. I wish you were here.

You and I could've shared more happy moments if it weren't for my ignorance.

Well, it's no point regretting anything now because I worked far too hard to get to where I am right now and I know you will always be by my side - spiritually.

I love you, Jean Kirschtein. I will make you proud. I will join you up there and hold your hand one day. All I need is your love and support while I face the obstacles down here by myself.

My angel, may you rest in peace. I will love you, forever and for always.

_Love, Mikasa Ackerman._


End file.
